Why hasn’t the Cobra struck with FC Dallas?

I was promised that we were going to have a guy I could call “the Cobra” scoring goals and wooing soccer moms for us this season. So where is he?

As FC Dallas fans, we don’t often have reason to get excited for new transfers, but the fanbase’s collective interest was piqued when it was announced that FCD had signed Zdenek Ondrasek. He represented a departure from the usual South American fare and his nickname and size added to the intrigue. Presumably, he could offer like for like competition for Dominque Badji as a target man and provide experienced depth at striker. And we got him on a free. He was easily the most anticipated offseason signing. But I’m starting to think that I’ll never get to bust out my number 13 Ondrasek Taco jersey.

Zdenek, I know I don’t know you, but it feels like we’ve already been through so much.

We read the story of the insolvent Polish club that you came from.

We greeted you at the airport.

We mired your body.

We quickly fell in love with your parody account.

We patiently waited to be able to do this whenever you scored.

But we’re two weeks into the season and you’re nowhere to be found. Where is my prolific goal scorer that looks like he could have been a competitor in Bloodsport? Apparently not being named to the bench for either the first team or North Texas SC this week.

If there is anything that FC Dallas fans know how to do it’s whine, so prepare yourself Luchi if I don’t see the Cobra soon. Hell hath no fury that like of an amateur sports blogger.