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Ben's Fantasy (MLS Fantasy Manager Round 29)

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Please punch me in the face.

MLS: Los Angeles Galaxy at Columbus Crew SC Greg Bartram-USA TODAY Sports

Shamanalysis. Why wait on some florid diction to unravel your hopes and dreams? It’s all wanking. Doesn’t matter if it’s print or pod: it’s all terrible, and all full of lies you hope to propagate. There’s no time for that this week! Ask me about Timmy.

Fool’s Gold: (Round 28. 0-4 (6.0), Season 16-13 (4.56 avg))

  1. Leandro Gonzalez Pirez D $6.8
  2. Victor Vazquez M $9.9
  3. Alex Bono G $9.9
  4. Brad Guzan G $6.2

Dammit. Pirez-Suspended! Waston- also suspended (a game to late). Montero- not suspended. Guzan- Loving only playing against 9 players.

Atlanta United to Baldomero Toledo- THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

Wew. It was over before, but it’s really over now. Atlanta’s going to leak some goals. Pirez and Guzan stay! I’m more than happy to double down on their failure. LA and Mon will score, and they will score bigly. Toronto? Bono? Might play twice, but he’ll leak both times. Vazquez? Might play twice- won’t score. Eat my butt, Atlanta United FC Red Patch Boys. Seriously- suck it.

Again- this is the avoid pile. Do so at your own peril. These are all popular players I’m fading in order to catch up. This end’s this week’s disclaimer.

Byrd’s Ballers: (Round 28. 4-1, Season 75-34-20)

  1. Miguel Almiron M $10.2
  2. Josef Martinez F $9.6
  3. Ignacio Piatti M $11.6
  4. Blerim Dzemaili M $9.4
  5. Romain Alessandrini M $10.7

Sin City FC...well played, fam. 184!!! Sin City dominated! Still lost to Furies!!! 186!!!

Seriously, Phil- Suck it! You’re doomed. Or not.

Atlanta has two home games, but they’re smack in the middle of fixture congestion. Go with the big dogs and fade the rest. Montreal is playing for their lives. They get weakened Tor at first and press Atl second. That fits BD and Piatti like a glove. Finally, Alessandrini? Yeah, he’s rested and will play 2. Sleeper captain this round? Yeah, why not.

Skinflint’s Specials: (Round 28 3-2-0, Season 64-62-0)

  1. Anton Walkes D $4.2
  2. Julian Gressel M $4.1
  3. Anthony Jackson-Hamel
  4. Daniel Lovitz D $4.3
  5. Nathan Smith D $3.1

One great thing about Atlanta is that hey don’t have to travel. Walkes and Gressel are profitable for that reason. Montreal are going to be the big winners this round. Shares of AJH and Lovitz will be profitable. Finally- the cheapest player in the game. Put him on your bench. It doesn’t matter. He’ll play. Switcheroo? No, you stupid stupid. Pick an invalid...Duh! But yeah- Nate’s cheap, will play, and you can use him to save your dough. Seriously- Nate as sheep just proves you aren’t watching. Tune in tonight! Like you’ve got anything better to do.

Complaints, comments, suggestions, slang? Email bmlyon (at) yahoo.com