Some weeks, coming up with a topic to write about is not easy. Some of that is a good parallel for the season; it’s a grind. MLS has the longest season of any of the major professional sports in North America (and thus the shortest offseason). That leaves precious little time for brainstorming, and there will always be weeks where I’m left desperately racking my brain to find something to write about that at least pretends to be interesting. And since I’m not going to relent and start writing banal game previews (plenty of those to be found), statistical analysis (same), or explain to you how you’re missing the boat on Diego Valeri (what?), there will be weeks where my creative desperation is palpable.
With that in mind, today I’ll start a project that I can add to as the season goes along, that being an MLS Fantasy slang dictionary. I can think of know better way to start this conversation with you, the handful of non-mom IP addresses, than Jimmy Medranda. Medranda has been a fixture in many fantasy lineups since the beginning of the season since he’s listed as a defender but usually plays in the midfield or as a winger (the so called ‘OOP’). In general, such a player hypothetically has a better chance of scoring goals and assists, thus offering an added incentive for selection.
While Medranda hasn’t delivered any offensive output as of yet, he has managed to lead all defenders in clean sheets this season. In fact, he has a clean sheet in every game this season despite Spork leaking goals in two of their five games. In those games, Jimmy was subbed out after 60 minutes but before Kansas City conceded so he earned the five point clean sheet bonus in those games, too. Given his perfect record so far and his catchy surname, let such a bonus earned going forward be referred to as ‘The Medranda™’ in honor of Jim’s penchant for a solid shift and timely substitution. Further let us add it to the nascent glossary listed below:
FMLS Slang Glossary
OOP- A player (usually listed as a defender) who actually plays a different position in real life.
The Medranda™- A clean sheet for a defender where the defender is subbed out after 60 minutes. Particularly apt if the player just barely played more than 60 minutes.
DGW- Two game round for a team. Double points! Check back next week for the first DGW of the season.
Switcheroo- A gameplay quirk that allows you the opportunity to substitute a player in a later game for a player in an early game who did not generate a point output that you are satisfied with. For illustration, go here.
If I rack my brain or research, I’m certain I can come up with considerably more than 4 terms for this collection of lingo. Since part of this grift is to give me something to write about when I can’t be bothered to rant and rave and to encourage feedback from the community (see Reddit or the email below), I’ll leave it like this for now. Congratulations to me for successfully navigating writer’s block this week.
Byrd’s Ballers: (Round 6. 2-3-0, Season 16-12-2)
- Cubo Torres - F $8.6
- Diego Valeri - M $10.4
- Bradley Wright-Phillips- F $10.0
- Justin Meram- M $9.7
- Alex - M $7.6
Meh. Both of my confidence teams won 2-0 last week, but only half of my confidence picks were similarly productive. Bad Kompany nailed his picks, leading the BigD board and sweeping in to the lead.
Valeri is obvious this round. He will be for all home games until further notice and would be my top pick if it weren’t for Spork’s stingy D and Cubo’s date with the Loons. Actually, I’m still wrestling with that one- on the one hand, Dallas could have scored more last weekend, on the other, Minnesota’s D no longer looks totally incompetent.
Romell Quioto may be back this round, but I’ll wait a bit to go weekly Honduran again. That doesn’t mean you have to. Piatti looks like he’ll back, too, and the same advice applies (how risk averse are you?). Meram and BWP are solid bets at home, and I’ll stack (Possible glossary entry) Alex with Cubo this round since Alex has scored well at home, is tied for the league lead in assists, and generally takes corner kicks for Houston.
Skinflint’s Specials: (Round 5 1-4-0, Season 13-17-0)
- Dominique Badji D $6.4
- Alphonso Davies D $4.3
- Aaron Long D $5.2
- Jared Watts D $5.5
- Michael Azira M $6.6
Yuck. Godoy as SS is difficult because of my unforgiving scoring system, but he still offers a high floor most weeks. I keep getting nervous that Medranda’s going to get benched or pulled too early ‘to Medranda’ which is why I went with Opara, and...ok, I get it you don’t want to hear excuses.
I think Davies is a great shout to Medranda this week and maybe even score. If he can do that with any regularity, we’ll probably have to call that move ‘The Fonz’ (patent pending). Crapids and Bulls look like they could keep it clean this round, and Long and Watts both offer BP (Bonus Points- found another!) upside. Badji is a good cheap forward with a somewhat lucrative home date against RSL and their banged up defense.
That’s it for this round. Let’s hear some slang and insults, peeps.
Complaints, comments, suggestions? Email firstname.lastname@example.org