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Ben's Fantasy (MLS Fantasy Manager Round 2)

Last Call on our League - Join code: 856-446

New York Red Bulls v Atlanta United FC Photo by Mike Zarrilli/Getty Images

Let me preface this by saying I’m not a huge Celine Dion fan. I’ll risk any kind of persistent nut-kicking I suffer in the future because this was AMAZING.

When I read about this Wednesday evening, I’ll confess that I pretty quickly became jealous I wouldn’t be getting a sweet dividend check like the STMs that plunked down for a membership before the end of February. Not only did this amount to found money, but it should give fans, who’ve had legitimate reasons to gripe in the recent past, a greater sense of ownership in the club.

Nevermind the fact the checks amount to $5.42/seat. Every other club in league history has sent out checks totaling $0.00/seat for every sold player. It’s a singular proposition and, at least symbolically, should be taken that the club sees its fans as far more than customers. Also, #Cashtillo is hilarious.

Now, I’ve seen a variety of options for enjoying this windfall, and some of them are pretty outstanding. That said, I’ve got two excellent options if you’re on the fence still.

Let it Ride, Baby!

I’m sticking to my Week 1 guns; we’re doing this soccer fan thing wrong, and the first, best, and least thing we can do to improve on that is to gamble more. Now, a $5 bet won’t do much. Betting on an FC Dallas win this weekend would be fun, but an $11 profit on your wager isn’t all that exciting, and there’s a good chance it snows this weekend. No, you’re going to have to parlay that with another MLS game, and by another MLS game I mean all of them.

Although, the odds of hitting an 11 game MLS moneyline parlay are 1 in 177,147, if a combination of (hint, hint) NYRB, MON, FCD, NYCFC, and MNU all win (I'M IGNORING THE @#!$* STYLE GUIDE DAD!!!) with the remainder ending in a draw, your $5 will pay out a cool $390 grand, and you’ll be riding around in town in a sweet Camaro by this time next week. This fabulous boon to your fortunes comes courtesy of your commitment to being a better fan (GAMBLEGAMBLE) and #Cashtillo. However, if you can’t make that sacrifice for the good of American soccer...

Re-invest in your club

This is a common and smart strategy to deal with periodic dividends. If you have a 401 (k), this maybe happening on your behalf as I write this. To the best of my knowledge, the Hunts aren’t looking for a conventional equity partnership at the moment, so you’ll have to be creative. Here’s an idea.

March has gotten off to a great start to the club, and without having spoken to Nestor, I’m sure he’d say so too since he’s still alive and kicking. His home and everything in it were not nearly as fortunate. $5 by itself won’t do much to help replace all that was lost, but a 1000 donations of $5 probably would and that kind of investment would be a bigger boon to the club and to its legion of new stakeholders than $5000 worth of rented beer (because, you don’t really ‘buy’ beer, amirite). If I’ve made a compelling argument for re-investing your #Cashtillo, you can do it here. It’s one of the few strategies I’d recommend more than gambling.


Alright, Week 2. The points actually count this week- points from Round 1 will vanish on Saturday. If you’re still looking for leagues to join, you can still join the original (MFLS-Code to join this league: 856-445) as well as a league fighting it out for El Capitán (Orangebloods- Code to join this league: 2765-1690).

Pump MFLS and these guys. Code to join this league: 2765-1690

Byrd’s Ballers: (Round 1. 3-2-0, Season 3-2-0)

  1. David Villa- F $10.0
  2. Gio Dos Santos- F $10.0
  3. Ignacio Piatti M $10.0
  4. Sacha Kjlestan M $10.0
  5. Alberth Elis F $8.5

Villa is Captain Obvious this week. Yankee Stadium and a backline that can be had is a recipe for a big one. Dos Santos also gets a shaky backline matchup; Portland will have as many as 3 of their starters out this weekend. After a rough week in San Jose, it’s easy to forget Piatti’s been consistently one of your best options. Don’t do that.

Not buying Crapids just yet this year, so roll with Sacha. Red Bulls look like they might have answers early this year (more on that in a sec). Elis is my weekly Honduran for Houston. Ok, so it won’t be weekly, but I see some counterattacking opportunity for Houston this weekend, and I’m not chasing the Quioto points from last week. Cubo’s probably taking penalties, but he’s feast or famine. Roll with Elis.

Skinflint’s Specials: (Round 1 3-2-0, Season 3-2-0)

  1. Daniel Royer M $7.5
  2. Anibal Godoy M $7.0
  3. Nick Lima D $4.5
  4. Derrick Jones M $4.5
  5. Emmanuel Boateng F $6.5

Royer’s an out of position (OOPs) forward with Veron out, and he’ll get some chances this weekend. Godoy scored 10 last week if you take away his goal scored and could be this year’s Alonso. He’ll take a corner on you, too. Lima was impressive last weekend as well, and I see Vancouver as another decent matchup for San Jose. Jones hangs out for another week because he’s cheap, starts, and is a good potential switcheroo with Boateng who seems likely to start with Jermaine Jones suspended. You could easily fill this with OOPs darling Alphonse Davies (D-$4.5), but I’d be wary of the matchup and rotation.

As for the rest of your picks, you should probably consider this.

Watch out for the games in Kansas City and Minnesota this weekend, too. No worries in Montreal; they’re playing in the dome. Good luck!

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