Fantasy Fisticuffs pits angry combatants head-to-head in an MLS Fantasy soccer showdown. Each week, Phil and Ben argue over which players will perform. The stakes are high. The competitor whose team scores the fewer amount of points through Round 27 (September 3rd) will have to endure two laps of shaming around the Toyota Stadium concourse, Cersei Lannister style (though probably not nude)! Join our league using the code 35-1619 to follow along. After a good week, Phil has trimmed Ben's lead to 12 with the score standing at 693-681.
Note: After 2 months of exhausting analysis and even more exhausting viewership of real players scoring fake points for their fake teams, Phil and Ben enjoy some well-deserved R&R while taking the week off. In their stead, noted Liga Ascenso pundit DeLeon Duodécimo will be providing his picks to click. Be warned- he does so mainly in verse.
For the men of the Red Patch
The road has been long
Despite hostile crowds, their form has been strong
They’ve fought for points, match after match.
Their D’s held firm, their goal fixed under latch.
But don’t dare think the attack’s not worthy of song.
If you do that, you’re certainly wrong.
For one of their stars is the ultimate catch.
His nickname is "The Atomic Ant"
Moniker well-earned, since he’s not very tall.
Yet, his game ranks 'al todo el mundo'
His danger makes opponents rave and rant.
Deadly from range- a wiz on the ball.
C’e il Capitano! C’e Giovinco (F-$12.4)!
Why should I buy your unicorn?
O fawning brony,
Inculcating cults of personality with foolish consistency
No more would my birthright for pottage flee
Than for the ‘wit’ and ‘wisdom’ of a grumpy crank
Enobled by the Epistaxis-inducing heights of 7th grade all-conference
Bleating with embellished resolve
Mimicking greats with no promise of goals
In defiance of mythical class and mindless concern
We opt for orgasmic silence
No names..no nimbulistic naysaying based on a
Militarism far astray from the beautiful game.
He’s back!!!! Just don’t call him a unicorn.
Your horse with the horn is the fake Rolex of
Your imagination. You needn’t imagine;
Mauro’s very real (M-$10.6)
A Swede who isn’t that hairy
Makes the Burgundy Wave quite merry
Add this man who’s a peak
For next Double Game Week
His name is Axel Sjoberg (pronounced ‘Hoy-berry’) (D-$5.5)
Deadline is near so
Here’s a Haiku, Dynamo
Players= Deep Doo-Doo.