To Whom It May Concern at MLS,
It has come to our attention here at Big D Soccer that the powers that be at MLS will not allow Tesho Akindele to wear his first name on his jersey. We, the fans, petition you to reverse this heavy-handed and unfair decision.
It was our fault in the first place. We asked him to do it. We egged him on. It's mostly because we all call him Tesho already. It makes us feel closer to him, like we're buddies. Tesho is a cool guy. Who wouldn't want to be friends with him?
There is a long tradition of players who wear their first names or nicknames on their jerseys, from Pele to Gervinho, Xavi to Alexis. It's not like we're asking for something out of the ordinary. We would never suggest that Blas Perez be allowed to wear "He Hate Me."
In fact, we can't help but notice that you're already allowing it in this league. A certain Brazilian who goes by the nickname "Kaka" isn't being forced to wear "Izecson dos Santos Leite." Our favorite Norwegian-American has shortened his name to just "Mix." We don't want to tattle, but our own club is harboring a first name fugitive known as "Michel."
It's not like there's any confusion when we call him "Tesho." Heck, Tesho even made your own exclusive list of players worthy of one name status.
We're going to keep calling him Tesho. We hope you'll come around and call him that too.
Phil Luetchford (@luetchy10) on behalf of the writers and fans of Big D Soccer
Comment below to sign our petition. If we get 20 signatures, we'll actually figure out who we're supposed to e-mail.