The Monday After Colorado: Fix Bayonets

Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

How much longer does Dallas have?

The Army still uses bayonets, believe it or not.

Sort of. Technically. They're not really issued anymore, but they're still around.

Let's face it. If you hear the command "FIIIIIIIIIX. BAYONETS!", things have probably gotten to the point where they're very much beyond repair. There's still a chance you can come out of such an encounter alive, but things are looking grim.

FC Dallas has been told to get their bayonets ready and to make one heroic, desperate, last minute charge at the enemy.

That loss to the Colorado Rapids was just awful. It wasn't that Dallas played a terrible game. They did alright, and at times looked pretty good. But "alright" and "pretty good" isn't enough when the other team is at home and is just as desperate for points as you are. Blas Perez starting on the bench was probably the right choice at the time, but watching Jackson waste chance, after chance, after chance was maddening. It can be said that Blas needed to start, but after the qualifying campaign, and with FCD playing in thin air, it's hard to begrudge that decision. That requires removing the prescription hindsight glasses, but I'm sure we can manage.

What's up with the own goals, by the way? Why does Dallas always lose or tie with Colorado due to own goals? Is Dick's Sporting Good's park built on top of the bones of hexers, who swear to destroy invading teams with curses and voodoo? Nothing else can explain why Dallas can't stop scoring on themselves. Somewhere in the owners' box, Stan Kroenke uses a defender voodoo doll to kick a ball into his its own net. The net is, of course, made from hairs of Schellas Hyndman's head.

The own goals are disappointing enough, but Dallas could have scored more. Could being the operative word. Because the Dallas we saw was wasteful. If the shot wasn't shanked, indecision would give the defenders time to catch up and close the angle. When that didn't happen, a poor final pass would undo all the hard work.

We have three strikers on the roster, who at the beginning of the season had us all giddy. Kenny Cooper, Blas Perez AND Eric Hassli all together, waiting to create mayhem? Sign me up.

The problem is that they mayhem they've created has been used mostly against us. Blas is his usual awesome self, but Kenny has been ineffective (to put it politely) even as he has been played out of position, and Hassli is one spectacular disappointment. He has got to be in the top 3 bust signings of the season.

Up next for Dallas is the New York Red Bulls. I don't know if you've seen the Red Bulls, but they're trouble. They're a great team and are certainly more than capable of dismantling what's left of the Toros' season. They're still trying to hold onto the eastern crown, and you better believe they will be out for blood.

Dallas sits in sixth, three points behind a tough Portland team. They have lost away when they needed to at least draw. They realistically need nine points out of the last six games, according to Fenn.

The Red Bulls are atop the east, have Dax McCarty, Thierry Henry, and have won their last three.

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIX. BAYONETS!

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