A quick note: I do not like to number teams and so I won't do it. While these weekly features are subjective, numbering teams is a slippery slope. Due to that the teams are placed in certain categories, with no numerical order within those categories. On we go!

The Cherry On Top

Sporting Kansas City

This team is lucky! The one time they get injury problems is the one time they have a bye-week to deal with them.

The Cream of the Crop

San Jose Earthquakes

They would be number one if Sporting had drawn or lost, but with KC inactive it would seem unfair to have the Quakes leapfrog them.

Seattle Sounders

The Sounders didn't look all that impressive against Chicago but they were good enough to win. The scuffle that followed on the field though is embarrassing for both teams.

Almost Elite

New York Red Bulls

Oh my goodness. No Thierry Henry for four to six weeks? It can't get much worse, half of the Red Bulls are in ICU. At least Ryan Meara and his ginger counterpart Dax McCarty had themselves a hell of a game.

Real Salt Lake

They were about to tie Toronto at home, which, despite how hard TFC fought, is not a good thing for RSL. Results do matter but it was still a pretty ho-hum performance from Salt Lake at the Riot.

D.C. United

I have been saying that DC is starting to look serious, but now it's time to make it official. Their conference is weak, but that doesn't make them any less legit. DC is for real. Extra thanks to them for beating Houston!

The MLS Middle Class

FC Dallas

Not a bad week all told, considering the injuries and suspensions they were dealing with against RSL and denying LA three points at their home. One more week and FC Dallas should be able to really put together a good performance.

LA Galaxy (DEMOTED)

They almost lost to Dallas and would have had Benitez just cleared the ball. Something's not right with LA.

Chicago Fire

They lost to Seattle on an own goal. Weirder things have happened, like flipping off the crowd at the end of--- oh, wait...

Colorado Rapids (PROMOTED)

The Rapids absolutely dismantled the Goats' defense, which had been their strength throughout the season. Their weekend matchup against FCD will tell us if that's the result of coaching plans finally breaking through or a one-off event.

Philadelphia Union

So they lost to San Jose? Big deal. San Jose is one of the best teams in the league so far, and anything less than a Quakes win would have been surprising.

Montreal Impact (PROMOTED)

Portland or no, the Impact have looked "okay" in the past few weeks. I guess their awful homefield turf makes for an advantage? Either way, you have to hand it to Montreal for having a much more successful campaign than their rivals, TFC.

Vancouver Whitecaps

I still don't understand why people are ranking Vancouver so highly. They are decent, but not much beyond middle of the road. The Caps beat injured or weak teams and the pundits pour on the praise! If they start scoring like they're supposed to and not just through luck, then they might earn their plaudits. Also it wouldn't hurt if they were beating some of the better teams in the league while doing it.

Struggling

Houston Dynamo (DEMOTED)

A loss, followed by two draws and finished off with another loss. Their road form might be all good and well, but two points out of a possible twelve isn't too impressive.

Columbus Crew (DEMOTED)

They lost to Vancouver. Really, at the moment Columbus doesn't have much going for it.

Chivas USA

Just when you thought Fraser's men had turned the corner...

New England Revolution (DEMOTED)

Much like the Goats, the Revs seemed to have figured it out, but three losses in a row don't speak highly of Heaps' men.

Dishonorable Mention

Portland Timbers (DEMOTED)

If they continue this Portland's crew will be hailed as one of the big disappointments of the season.

Toronto FC

Toronto FC is going to have to hire a witch doctor to find out what is going on with their luck. He might say ooh-eeh-ooh-ah-ah, or he might say "Freaking fire Aron Winter and blow it all up". Whichever is valid at this point.